Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
