Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
