You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
