Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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