my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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