shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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