Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
