i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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