i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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