So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
