So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
