dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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