Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
