Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
