We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
