i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
