I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
