My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize