Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
They are going to name an STD after you.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
