Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
