forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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