when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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