I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
