I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
