umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
