No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
