i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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