P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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