sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Randomize
