It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
