i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
