I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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