It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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