He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
