Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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