girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize