Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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