I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Randomize
