My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
