I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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