Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
