watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
