the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
