she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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