I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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