I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
