if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
