someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
