I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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