And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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