And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
