my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
