He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
