Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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