I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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