I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
