glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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