***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
