I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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