apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I know her cup size but not her name....
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