OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
