No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Randomize
