and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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