My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just blew my weed a kiss
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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