i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
