I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
