At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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