Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
