i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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