Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
