I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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