Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
