My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
