i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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