that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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