you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize