I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
