Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
