awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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