Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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