We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
