I hope mine doesn't look like that
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
