How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
