college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm having to shit out rocks
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
