I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize