You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
