Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
