wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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