he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
