Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
