got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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