Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
