I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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