sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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