My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
