No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize