You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
