it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
