yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
No I am not eating basil off your cock
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize