Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I want to fling myself into the sun
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
