I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
