i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
