Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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