careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
