I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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