There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
