So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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