Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
