Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Randomize