Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
