so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
