Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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