I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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