He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
