On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
