Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
All the doctor said was why
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
