I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
