Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
