The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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