i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
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